You take pride in treating your children equally. “It’s what good parents do.” Last night, your husband asked if you’d scan through an article entitled “Do parents have a favorite child?” You blew it off as “ludicrous.” But a new study says it isn’t.
…children who feel less favored by their parents are more likely to experience poor mental health and to engage in problematic behavior at home or school.
Being a parent for 33 years, I’d like to think I’ve never played favorites.
However, the perfect parent doesn’t exist, so maybe, beneath conscious awareness, I did a time or two.
If you’re a parent, how do you feel about it?
Intro
During a recent “find some good stuff for Chipur” session – I did.
There it was on Brigham Young University’s BYU News: “Do parents really have a favorite child? Here’s what new research says.” Dated January 16, 2025, it was written by Abigail Haven.
The article summarized a new study conducted by BYU School of Family Life professor Dr. Alex Jensen, which was published in the journal Psychological Bulletin.
Let’s see what’s up…
Do parents have a favorite child?
We’ll begin with an interesting family dynamic. The blending of shared memories, family traditions, disagreements, and other factors creates a unique bond.
Existing within the context of that bond is the ongoing debate over who’s the favorite child. Birth order, gender, personality, common interests, and other realities are used to declare the “winner.”
Dr. Jensen believes it’s helpful to understand the study findings, discover patterns, and see if it’s happening at home. And ongoing awareness leads to consistent small adjustments.
Study findings
Speaking of study findings, let’s take a look…
- Parents tend to favor daughters slightly more than sons. The bias is typically recognized only by the parents.
- The personality of the children plays a major role. Regardless of gender or birth order, agreeable and responsible children usually receive more favorable treatment.
- Most parents likely connect more easily with one child over another.
Do any of them hit home?
Application
Again, Dr. Jensen emphasizes discovery and awareness of patterns. Of utmost importance is paying attention to how children react to things that could be perceived as favoritism.
Watch for signs of one of your children feeling less favored
It’s crucial because other research he’s conducted indicates that children who feel less favored by their parents are more likely to experience poor mental health and to engage in problematic behavior at home or school.
Jensen recommends keeping an eye out for things that seem unfair. But if they’re missed, children will let you know. Be sure to pay attention.
Dr. Jensen…
Either they are missing perspective and understanding, or you need to make some changes in your parenting. Make sure you are open to the latter.
Good counsel, right?
The study details
How studies are conducted has always been interesting to me. For this one, Jensen and his colleagues reviewed data from more than 19,000 individuals, drawn from a quality cross section of published and unpublished sources.
The whole idea was to capture a broad view of how parental preferences manifest and how they can influence children throughout their lives.
Jensen…
Sometimes parents get so concerned about treating their kids the same that they may overlook individual needs, We’re not suggesting parents feel guilty; instead, parents can look at this research and use it as encouragement to look at places where they can improve, without going to extremes.
Jensen says he’s hopeful that the study sheds light on family dynamics that are often felt, but rarely discussed.
Favoritism, whether intentional or unintentional, can shape sibling relationships and individual well-being. By recognizing patterns, parents can foster stronger family bonds in meaningful ways.
Dr. Jensen…
The simple answers are perhaps the best. Be patient with yourself and with your children…Relationships take time and time together doing a variety of things will have many positive benefits.
And there you have it.
Patterns, awareness, what’s up at home, adjustments
Make it your business to treat your children equally. Yes, “it’s what good parents do.” But don’t fret if you haven’t or never thought about it. Use this piece and Dr. Jensen’s work for direction and encouragement.
Remember: discover patterns, see what’s happening at home, be aware, and make adjustments.
Here’s the original piece from BYU News: Do parents really have a favorite child? Here’s what new research says
If you’d like to review the study, have at it: Parents favor daughters: A meta-analysis of gender and other predictors of parental differential treatment
Those Chipur emotional and mental illness info and inspiration articles: review all of the titles or by category below.
After a decades-long battle with panic, generalized anxiety, fluctuating moods, and alcohol dependence; Bill finally found his life’s passion and work – lending a hand to those in the same boat. At age 49 he hit grad school and earned his counseling credentials. And he continues his service through Chipur and other projects.